Friday, February 22, 2008

Bosses in trouble

After the sorry incident of Prathiba Murthy in Bangalore and three years of nagging in the court, Som Mittal's case has again come into lime-light after supreme court refused to interfere with the complaint. Now that this has happened, it's high time that CEO's of other companies learn a lesson. Here are few tips from me to all the CEOs, which, if followed, could possible prevent them being in soup.
  • Zero female company: Fire all 'female' workers in your company, replace them with men. No women, no cry!!! But then the flip side would be the lack of motivation among the male counterpart, formation of clandestine gay communities within the office or too many search results with keywords of Britney Spears, Noelia or Mallika Sherawat.
  • Keep them countable: Have not more than 3-5 of them in the company and you personally hitch-hike them home after work. Your wife wouldn't be too happy with you doing this, but nevertheless, your 'female' employees will be safe.
  • Tomb raider way: Equip all your 'female' employees with mobile phones, which could be transmogrified into a sten-gun at a press of a button to scare those horny cab-drivers away.
  • Car pool: Ask the poor men to do a car pool with the 'female' employees. But not many of them may have car and the bigger problem is if those men have carnal appetite. You not only lose the 'female' employees, you'll then have to bail out the men. Special precaution is to be exercised if this method is employed.
  • Hiring castrated cab-drivers: But this isn't a very pragmatic solution for nobody on earth would want to be castrated for driving cabs (PETA doesn't want stray dogs of Bangalore to be castrated, talking about people is sadistic)
  • Hiring lady cab drivers: This one sounds more reasonable than the previous one. But logistics had to be worked out - Is she gonna drive only the 'female' employees? Is it gonna be combined transport for both men and women, in which case the driver will be jeopardized and you'll have a new allegation: CEO should be responsible for controlling the libido of the 'male' employees.
  • Expensive proposition: Provide housing to all the 'female' employees in close proximity to office, so that she don't have to take a cab at all. This would obviously be very heavy on your pockets though.
  • Try moving out of Karnataka: Atleast then you wouldn't be bound by "Shops and Establishments Act"of the state.
  • Intra-company matrimonial: Encourage the single men in your office to marry the 'female' employee and also provide them with financial options for buying a car. Though it sounds very cruel on the part of single men, atleast they won't be victimized by cab drivers and you can save your head.
  • Root cause analysis: Think about this for a second, you're rich, you've got babe, you've got a good sex life. What about the cab driver? You guys opened IT companies in Bangalore making lives of the middle and lower class miserable. Pay him more so that he can atleast get a paid sex so that you're 'female' employees are spared.
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