Thursday, May 29, 2008

america america

america definitely is racially...err...ethnically the most diverse country with people from almost any imaginable country on this planet. Abkhazia, Benin, Comoros, Djibouti...you name a country, you find people at some nook or the other. And it's no tricky trivia question that Indians (people from a distant country called India, located in Asia) are the third largest Asian ethnic group after China and Filipino. In other words, herds of Indians (I'm too lazy to google out for exact figure) migrate to the so-called, dreamland?!!?!!?

Out of the blue we (read NARs, non-american-residents) start receiving friend requests in orkut. The same person who wouldn't reply for your email all these years, as though rejuvinated from an eternal hibernation, would suddenly become overtly hyperactive in orkut or facebook. And within no time, if, in case "Updates from friends" option is enabled, you happen to see that the location from 9 lettered Bangalore or 15 lettered Vishakapattanam is proudly changed to cool 2 lettered ones...TX, NY, OH, MI, CA, WV, NC. This bloke Sarvanan Saamy who couldn't think of anything but Tamil Nadu for TN back in India, would now, without sligthest contemplation blurt out Tennessee, though I bet he would spell it wrong.

The best part is not the location change but the photographs that are uploaded and better still are the captions for the photographs. I feel they somehow would want to show (or is it show-off?) to the world that they are indeed in america. Here are few of the hilarious ones I've come across.

- This photo had a couple of my friends with frappuccino cups in their hands titled "At my fav Koffee shop with my Fav drink :)". Yeah you guessed it right, they were in starsucks coffee shop. I bet they wouldn't have done the same thing at SLV eatouts which serves the cheapest and tastiest coffee in Bangalore.

- This one is highly patriotic, "the most colorful n cold place on earth, my schenectady". This was in one of my friend's album and I've never heard words "My Bangalore" rolling out of his mouth.

- And few of them think that others (NARs) are so dumb that they start giving very implicit captions. "Foot path on Rosa Road, Schenectady", "Bus stop in front of my home", "In front of my apartment in Nashville", "Inside the Grapevine Mills, a big shopping mall", "Walmart, behind me". The fact that you're in America doesn't mean that we don't know footpaths, bus-stops, shopping malls and apartments.

- There is yet another kind of implicit captions given by some supposedly smart Indian americans. "Chatting with my sweetheart" was one of the caption for a photograph of one of my friend with is laptop. Now hold on...why on this holy earth would anybody want to know what on this holy earth was he doing with his damned laptop. At the entrance of Walt Disney, "Welcome to Walt Disney"...hellooo...redundancy is bad for health, the board already says "Welcome to Walt Disney" and why do you take trouble of keying it again.

- There are lots who're indirectly involved in promoting tourism in america. It's good for us, NARs, that we happen to see all the touristic clichés of america. Photos containing captions "That's me in front of Statue of Liberty - NY", "Me wading in the blue waters of pensacola" or "Ooohooo on top of sears towers, on top of world" are not too uncommon in orkut albums. I've almost seen the whole of america rodeo drive, alcatraz, hover dam, las vegas, golden gate, chicago downtown, yosemite, grand canyon, space needle, niagara...all with a smiling face, wearing sunglasses, in the foreground with an introductory caption.

- However handsome you maybe, but remember, there are better brand ambassadors. I saw this photograph which was captioned "My new American Eagle T-shirt", imagine how it sounds if I doing the same "My new VIP-bonus banian and rupa underwear" or "My new trousers stitched by Krishna tailor" or better still "My new rayban glass bought at majestic footpath". As said earlier, we can very well read American Eagle embroidered on your T-shirt and we don't care if it's new. The same with your new cars, caps, coffee mugs...get photographed but give smarter captions.

- Few others think they transmogrify into more handsome creatures the moment they land in america. This guy with his newly bought rayban glasses "Am I looking phunk with this glasses?" and another one with his new hairdo sitting next to the flower (sounds very gay) "My looks are poisonous...beware of it". Another Shahrukh Khan fan on a winding road with sweater on his shoulders, "Filmy eshtyle". And I still remember one fat lady, not so cool asked (again with her sunglasses on the boat), "Ain't I cool?". I was almost about to comment on that photo with a blatant "No".

Remember that a picture speaks a thousand words. Start thinking some thoughtful captions for your pictures, better still, don't use captions. As said earlier, we can make out that you're in america leading a lavish lifestyle just by looking at your photographs. Being in america is good for you, try to do something more than just clicking and uploading YOUR pictures and showing off to the world.
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