Tuesday, May 13, 2008

IT Revolutionized Matrimony

Then: Parents meet up at the girl's place, savour a snack of hot upma and kesri bath followed by filter coffee, talk with the girl's parents, talk with the girl, occasionally give a chance for the girl to flaunt her classical music skills, strike the deal, fix the date. It never matters if the girl liked or not, for she would be complacent that her prayers hitherto has been fruitful.

Now: Matrimonials have been greatly improved. The then dating and friend-finder websites, have evolved into glorious matrimony websites where a girl sitting in Bishnupur can find her partner in Illinois (which would be evident through her orkut albums soon after the wedding). I remember visiting Babburkamme (a sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-caste of Brahmans) organization few years ago, with my aunt while she was finding a boy for her daughter and I saw a calico bound register containing the names, addresses and requirements. Invariably every girl who was an engineer, wanted a guy with green card (not the one issued by Karnataka government for cheap rice, kerosene and sugar). The demands and expectations have been greatly shot up. The guys with US or UK visa stamp would be the most preferred (what am I doing in Mexico?), then comes businessmen and project leaders in an MNC followed by poor engineers.

Future: Few years down the line, people would be paranoid about choosing companies.

Conversation of desperate fathers would sound like this:
Where does your son work?
He works for Microsoft.
Oops...I'm afraid this wedding cannot happen.
Why?
My daughter works for Redhat.
Thank God you told me, the wedding would have been a disaster.

A Motorola guy can't marry a Nokia girl. An Infosys girl has to sacrifice her love after her fiancé changed to Wipro. An unconventional marriage of a Sasken guy with a Qualcomm girl would end in divorce. Why? They would have corporate level ego clashes.

You know what, my friend's Motorola crashed twice today. I told you Nokia rocks!!!

Nokia sucks bigtime!!! The applications you download seldom works!
Forget apps, Moto's voice quality is horrible.
Nokia's interface is ugly.
I can't take this anymore, let's call it off.

The conversation of an Oracle couple wouldn't be of any interest too:
Do you know how to implement a simple query in PL/SQL?
I guess there are some operators for retrieving records based on specific conditions.
Well I tried that the query resulted in zero search results.
Probably the query syntax was wrong or the database was corrupt or something.
"Mama I got first rank in the exam"
Hold on dear, we're discussing something important.
Well!!! Let's continue. I'm sure it was perfect the syntax was OK.
You gotta check with the DBA, there might be an access problem.

The ugly IT will penetrate so much into the married lives of Indians that quality experts can coin apt terms: FPW (Fights Per Week), QOA (Quality Of Arguments), KLOCK (Lilo Lines Of Code written in Kitchen), DICD (Defects Introduced by Children's Disturbance), HQC (Husband's Quarterly Contribution) and the likes. Wives, who once used to fight for new sarees or washing machines, would, in future, fight over trivial matters of bugs, feature additions, debug commands, test results, customer satisfaction etc, etc, etc.

God!!! Save those poor mortals!!! Let there be light not IT!!!
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